Let’s say you see something very important that needs to be done, and one person on the project is very fixated on one way to do it. It must be their way, or they will not do it. Alternatively, they will keep bringing up a certain way to do something, to the point that they get annoying. I write this in the third person, first, because it has “never” happened to me, but also because fixation is all about (not) looking at the problem from another point of view.
Usually associated with Asperger’s Syndrome or Autistic Spectrum behavior getting fixated is not always bad. People who get fixated often find a deep problem or issue and they want it fixed. They will usually detect a problem, weeks, if not months, before the rest of the team will. They will say it out loud long before the anybody else will say it. I speak about “my friend’s” experiences here – I would not know what this feels like. It is good to listen to people with fixations and find a way to adequately park the fixation in the correct action bucket.
But what do you do if you are the one with the fixation. How do you avoid getting wedged, aka. becoming a “single-track mind,” inflexible, or returning to that issue when the conversation has moved on. You need to build points of reference, and moments of reflection in your life to help you be able to bring up the issue in a more timely and socially acceptable way.
For example, a guide can be: “mention an issue twice, before pausing and reflecting.” In other words, if you are not feeling heard don’t double down on pushing the idea. Stop and ask yourself if this is the right time, the right method, the right priority for others. Ask privately for guidance and feedback on the idea or the approach.
Try changing the wording, analogies/examples, and explaining the benefits associated with your proposal. Reflection and feedback are good places to work out the messaging and find other’s perspective – that’s where you can calibrate the approach.
Finally, getting wedged may have to do with you carrying more, or moving faster than the other person/team. In your mind this is more or most important thing or way to do things. In your mind you may have seen three steps ahead and the thing you are bringing up will become a problem. Or you feel like discussing the topic meant agreement – how could it not because this is the most important thing. You get wedged because you push for something that people are not ready to accept. The same recommendation here, slow down and understand (and accept as valid) the situation, the constraints, the concerns of other people.
As a certifiably Awkward person, I have learned to pick up on social clues, give correct social clues and carry my point by relaxing rather than insisting on something and driving people away. Relationships, in the short and the long term, are more important than winning any particular point or doing any particular thing the “right” way. If you are pushing you are working like Sisyphus – you are pushing an idea or a proposal uphill. There may be times for that kind of heroic work, but even then it is important to get others to push with you rather than doing it alone.
