Bonds are triple A rated, and insurance companies are named “Triple A,” so what does it mean to be a Triple A as a person? Triple A is a way of communicating and thinking about others that makes you irresistible. Your peers, your organization, your friends will love you if you are Triple A.
The fundamental concept comes from Dale Carnegie, the legendary writer of “How to win friends, and influence people.” [1] He points out that everyone has a need to be Acknowledged and Appreciated. That’s where the first two A come from. If you can Acknowledge people by name, if you can put their names next to the good things they have done you will be loved. If you appreciate people with a “thank you,” or a simple, “I heard that,” or “that’s important, but let me get back to it in one second,” you will earn respect.
But it goes beyond that. Despite learning the lessons from Dale Carnegie I was not able to practice this effectively until I realized that my whole life, my whole goal in working with people was to amplify them. Amplify became the third A.
Thinking of myself as someone who amplifies, and making my only goal to amplify put me in a different mood, a different frame of mind. I did not need anything from them and instead sought to serve and support their growth. I lowered my expectations and relaxed when people irritated me. I switched to a learning mode rather than a controlling mode.
This is a communication principle, a people principle, and a soft power principle. It is natural now to think this way, but at first, I’d have to say to myself “I’m here to amplify this person or this situation.” Sure, I have opinions, but I don’t have to get all my onions out now, and don’t have to fix all the issues now.
I can still criticize, correct, or escalate but the tone has changed. Instead of blunt feedback I think of the importance to the other person. When I escalate, I make sure I’ve communicated with the person in trouble first. I am concerned about people saving face and finding solutions together if desired. It’s no longer your problem, but “our problem,” if you want to take my help.
However, there are times when people do not get the hint, or when you have to say the truth. There are even times when you must cut off relationships (temporarily or permanently). You do not need to compromise the truth to be nice or polite. But even these harsh measures are for restorative purposes, not to make oneself feel better or gain something over the other person.
For example, in a team meeting one time, I told a technical lead who was challenging me: “Stop, there is more information since last night that you are not aware of.” At the end of the day, I was responsible for making the customer happy, we had 30 minutes for the meeting, and he kept asking and challenging everything I said. He needed to be stopped for the effective operation of the meeting. I did meet with him and our boss later to explain what had happened and why I had to say that. Even after I met with him and the boss he did not understand, and ultimately the client asked for him to be removed from the project – he did not get the clues.
That is rare and needs to be dealt with. However, if everyone is seeking to amplify and add value to their team members work goes much better. If each person overflows with kindness and positive intention towards others there is an abundance mentality, and the team performs better; the team can get “in the flow.”
References
- [1] “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie – https://amzn.to/44UjvAo
